Wednesday, December 31, 2008

Could It Be the Drugs?

I had a good moment today but first I need to share something shameful.

Many months ago, before I received training at NYU, I was having many many problems with Logan's behavior. He especially had trouble traveling with me on the buggyboard. His brother would ride in the stroller and he'd ride on the buggy board attached to the back but often he'd leap off, lean, or sit..... basically be really annoying. After several warnings, I lost my temper and practically slammed him against the wall of a building while we were on our way home. I yelled at him so hard. A woman passed by and yelled, "They could call social services on you. You're hurting him!" She walked away as she was saying this and in my rage, I yelled back at her and defended myself.

The truth was, she was right. I had lost control. At that moment, I told myself that I had to do it to get his attention but really, I'm sure all I did was scare Logan and not teach him anything.

That was many months ago. Now I have Klonopin, my anti-depressants, more special needs parent-friends, acupuncture, and this blog. Things are different now and I wonder how much the drugs are playing into my parenting skills. At a diner today with Logan, I received two compliments from strangers on how I was handling Logan's behavior. I was so surprised. I actually got a similar comment yesterday too from another stranger. Even though Logan frustrates me on a daily basis, I guess he's getting better at listening. Sometimes, I need outsiders to tell me that.

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