Tuesday, January 20, 2009

Is Blogging Bad for Me?

I think I know why I have been needing more Klonopin lately.

I haven't been sleeping enough. I work on my blog, writing the post, fixing the grammar, checking the spelling, choosing the pictures, trimming them, adjusting the brightness.... it goes on forever. I have so much fun, especially if I receive an email from a reader.

Of course, adding to the fun is a glass of wine sitting not too far away from my computer although recently, I've been afraid that I am drinking too much. My lips are always dry from the anti-depressants so they easily turn purple even after a couple of sips and then I catch a glimpse of myself the mirror and feel like an alcoholic.

So now I have switched to Korean mugwort (ssuk) tea after stopping at one glass of wine. Mugwort is good for digestion and for certain gynecological issues says my acupuncturist and it has been used in Korea for thousands of years. I love it. Email me if you want help getting it.

Anyway, is my "blogaholism" a sign that I don't have a life and that I haven't really made any progress since my diagnosis? I have a bunch of books that I have taken out from the library (below) but I haven't really read any of them except a bit of the third one:
  1. Driven to Distraction by Edward Hallowell (pictured)
  2. Coping with Anxiety by Edmund Bourne and Lorna Garano
  3. Unaccustomed Earth by Jhumpa Lahiri
  4. The Secret by Rhonda Bryne (I currently can not find this book anywhere in my house! Another ADHD sign!)
I knew something was wrong yesterday when I passed out after eating lunch (Spencer was napping) and I woke up to my apartment buzzer. My ABA therapist had buzzed three times and I didn't even hear her. Spencer was crying too. I guess he had woken up and I didn't get him. I must have been out cold. I usually wake up after I hear just a whimper. Klonopin can be really powerful especially when you aren't sleeping enough.

I'm supposed to be exercising, relaxing, reading a good book and sleeping early because Spencer wakes up at 5 or 530 am every morning. I barely do any of these things and I had promised myself that I would change my old ways after I was diagnosed with anxiety but it seems I am still on the wrong track. This week, I am really going to try to do one or some of those things on that list except on Thursday night when Grey's Anatomy is on. That is when I forget my no-carb diet and have a GFCF cookie with a glass of milk.

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