Monday, January 12, 2009

Forgot My Underwear

Yesterday, I went swimming which means that I exercised for the first time in 5 years. Actually, that is not true. I did exercise twice in November at home but I don't think that should count.

You may have guessed this already. I am overweight. I am 5'4" and weigh 153 lbs. My BMI is 26.3 which puts me smack in the middle of the overweight column. I actually lost 7 lbs. in the last three weeks because I'm on a low-carb diet now. It's wierd because usually this diet works fast with me but this time it is very slow. Maybe it's because I occasionally treat myself to one of the GFCF cookies that I bake for the kids

While I was swimming, I thought a lot about how I've changed since I got married. I remember the days that I used to wear make-up and not just any make-up. I wore Estee Lauder, Lancome (my favorite), Guerlain, Kiehls, .. Every morning I put on foundation, concealers, green concealer to hide redness (popular with East Asians), multi-colored ball powder finish with my big fat powder brush, lipstick liner, lipstick, liquid eyeliner, mascara with my favorite Shu Uemura eyelash curler, and eyebrow liner. I even put blush under my chin to make my double chin look less obvious. (Pictured above: me in my twenties. I was never very thin but I did take care of myself then.)

You should have seen me at night too when I had my routine of removing all that make-up. I used the best cleansers and followed that up with my favorite Princess Borghese mud mask. I also exfoliated regularly and used my favorite Lancome or Kiehls moisturizer.

Fast forward ten years and I'm rushing to the pool with only a towel and my bathing suit under my clothes. I've brought no shampoo, no soap, no lotion, no face lotion, and no slippers to protect me from the unfriendly germs lurking in the shower that I must take to get that chlorine off my skin ASAP. What's more, I realized as I was changing back into my clothes that I left my underwear at home! Did I also mention that even though I have tons of disposable contact lenses at home but I didn't even think to bring them so I swam blind the whole time.

My point is that while it was exhilarating to get away from the kids and finally get some exercise, I was not doing what was most important in trying to take care of myself. That is, first I have to think about what I need and make thinking like this an instinctual habit. I was so busy trying to get out of the house and get "my chance" to do something for me, I didn't even think about what I needed to have a good time. I even forgot my underwear. Could I be more lame?

My morning routines used to be about making me look and feel good and now, I can barely get my teeth brushed as I'm hurrying to get Logan changed, fed, take his vitamins and nose spray before his school bus comes and then change and feed Spencer before his ABA therapist comes. On some days, I notice that it's 3 PM and that my teeth feel yukky and then I realize that I hadn't brushed my teeth that morning - again. How did I get here? I can't always blame my children even if they do have severe ADHD. All I know is that change is hard and it's a process. I'll let you know how it goes because I'm really going to try to at least wash my face in the morning.

I do have one good thing to say about today. My husband saw me in my bathing suit and asked, "Hey, that still fits you?" (It's one of those slimming suits- HA!) I know that what he said sounds a little insensitive but he said it while looking at me with a smile. I am hoping that what he really meant to say is that I still look good in that bathing suit. Sometimes, men speak a different language, right? (Pictured: me today at BMI 26.3 in my SAHM uniform with my lazy SAHM hairstyle. I like the hair but I think I should spice up my uniform and bring down that BMI to 22.)

3 comments:

Elyse said...

You look great, Jenn! I can totally relate to the mommy uniform and missing your old body. But you really do look awesome, so don't be so hard on yourself.

Jenn said...

I just don't know what to do about my mommy uniform. I literally use my shirts as towels sometimes. There are stains all over. Why would I wear anything nice but then I look in the mirror and I look so shlumpy. thanks for writing.

chriswife said...

Mama, I think you look as beautiful in your SAHM uniform as you did in your Estee Lauder days.