Sunday, January 18, 2009
Why Must I Be So Dramatic?
Last week, I was doing really well, meaning, I didn't have to take Klonopin at all. This week wasn't the same. I'm not sure why.
Some of you may think that I need to see a therapist. I totally agree with you. I even have one picked out. Someone close by with late hours so that I can see him after I put the kids to bed. Unfortunately, the kids and their huge health insurance deductibles and vitamin bills from this month's DAN! visits will set us back a lot so my therapy will have to wait until we recover from those bills. I know it's sad but I still have my acupuncturist/instant-relaxation-goddess treatments every week.
Anyway, I noticed something about myself today. It was kind of awful and probably the reason I'm on medication. On Monday, Logan will have a food allergy test at my DAN! doctor's office that requires multiple deep skin pricks. I am supposed to put a prescription numbing cream on him one hour before he gets the procedure but I never got the script for it. I had a month to call the doctor for it but of course, I just remembered today, Saturday, at 5 PM. I swear, these are the times I feel like I have ADHD too. His appointment is at 8:30 AM on Monday so I wouldn't have time to get the script before the appointment and then my plans to get important things done during a school holiday would be ruined. I was so proud to have made those appointments. Spencer's first DAN! visit was supposed to be that day too.
My DAN! doctor is not the type of doctor that you can page after hours so I thought I was totally screwed. But then, I thought, if I paged my pediatrician who I keep well-informed with what I'm doing with my DAN!, maybe she'd call in the prescription. I became a freak, I called both my pharmacy and my pediatrician's answering service at the same time. Basically, I had two phones on my face, just like the old days when I was a publicist.
When she called, I apologized about about 20 times. I'm Asian American, some of us apologize a lot out of habit. I know that my pediatrician doesn't have to call in the prescription and I bet most of them would not but she said she'd do it with that easygoing manner that she usually has. She actually did it immediately even though her office is open tomorrow morning (on a Sunday, God bless her). I love this doctor. It took a long time to find a doctor who would really understand my special needs children and gave me the respect and freedom to try alternative therapies.
Back to the point: What the hell is wrong with me? Must I freak out at every problem? Is it possible to be calm when faced with a problem and fix it while you are calm?
You see that picture up there? That is what I look like when I have a "situation" when it comes to my kids but I also pace around the house incessantly and clean or do something semi-productive. All I know is that I am still far away from my goal: Can Mom Be Calm?
I'll end on a positive note. After my pediatrician said she'd call in the script, I was so relieved, I had all this excess energy or anxiety that I kept blabbing to my husband how lucky we were and he was like, "I get it, you can let it go now." i.e. "Shut up, already." Later, though, he did say, "That was good thinking Jenn." Ohmigosh, was that a compliment? from Kai? Maybe it was his way of shutting me up or maybe my social worker was right, he is trying.