Thursday, March 12, 2009
Homework from the Therapist, Ugh!
While I plan on seeing my therapist every week, I don't plan on boring you with the details each time but last night was so funny (and not) that I had to share it with you.
I finally found some of my years-old cosmetics. I put some on because my therapist said he would teach me a relaxation exercise and I wanted to record myself doing it and then show you all in case you wanted to try it at home. Of course, the make-up was for my very sad attempt to look decent. I didn't even have eyeliner so I used my eyebrow liner on my eyelid. That actually hurt! Could I be more pathetic?
My poor therapist. Every time I come to his office, I show up with a camera. He must think I'm really weird but then why else would I be there, right?
But here is the funny part, we decided to try a test run with the relaxation exercise and then record it. It was supposed to be very simple. So there I was, sitting on the couch, my hands on my lap, and I closed my eyes. Then my therapist said to me something to the effect of "relax, forget your stresses, your competition, your fears..." and then the next thing you know, my hands are no longer on my lap and instead I am clenching my knees, thinking of all my stresses, competition, and fears! I opened my eyes instantly. I don't remember what I said but it was quite apparent that the exercise was a total disaster.
So we talked about why it didn't work and what was on my mind. We talked about my medication not working and my relations with my husband and delved deeper into his upbringing and mine. We talked about how I tried to improve relations with my husband and how it didn't work. I was impressed that he didn't make my husband the villain. He touched over how my anxieties might affect how I interact with him (I guess as a spouse and parent).
One other important thing I discussed with him was about how hard it was to be the kind of parent our children's therapists want us to be: even-keeled, show no emotion (especially to toddlers), consistent, follow-through, don't make empty threats, and of course we are to never, ever yell. I told him how Klonopin really helped me be that kind of parent and how sad I was when it couldn't do that for me anymore.
We talked a lot and he then gave me some homework. One was to write a narrative on a stressful situation I had and how I dealt with it. I could just give him my entire blog. The other was to do yoga every day. So wish me luck on my homework. As you can tell from the picture, (me doing yoga from watching a video) you will know where I will be most pathetic. Gosh, I really look very fat too. Yuck! One piece of advice if I may: if you are learning by yourself at home then try filming yourself doing the exercises. It is the best way to see if you are doing it right. I looked at the pictures of my positions versus what I saw on the screen and saw how I was doing them all wrong.
One important note: Kai asked me how it went after I came back from my session and I felt really weird. I didn't know how to respond. I asked him if he wanted to know what I said and he said I didn't have to tell him but then I do want him to know some things. It's weird but I am going to have to figure out a more productive way to talk about my therapy so that it might help the both of us.