Saturday, April 4, 2009

No Posts In a Week? Is This the End of My Blog?

Can you believe that I met someone who is now a good friend through this blog? She doesn't live that far from me so fortunately, I had a chance to visit her and her family and solidify our friendship more. She is really great. She notices things about me and is kind enough to tell me what she sees like my blog slowing down and more importantly, the differences in the way I talk about Logan, my big guy (5) and Spencer, my little guy (2). I think she was really right in that I marvel a lot about Spencer's progress and when I talk about Logan, it's all about what I want to accomplish with him. It made me realize that I should be more mindful of that in my attitude towards Logan. I expect a lot from him just like how I expect a lot from myself. I wonder if that is true with most moms and their first-borns. My poor sweet Logan. Spencer benefits so much from what Logan and I go through as I figure out how to be a better parent. I should be more grateful to my big guy.

Okay, so why the slow down on my blog if anyone noticed? Well, it's very complicated but to simply put it: I am so consumed with Logan's education, once again. If any of you have ever felt that you were at a critical junction in your child's educational future then you know what I mean. I hope to blog about it soon when we're finished figuring everything out. I am certainly learning a lot this year and am really hoping for the most appropriate opportunity that my first baby Logan could ever have for kindergarten. Every child's first experience with "big school" should be a positive one, right?

Anyway, thanks to my newest good friend, I found a great new psychiatrist. She gave me his name after she read about my nightmare first experience with a psychiatrist. Anyway, this new doctor was nothing like the last one. I liked him and his furniture a lot. In his office, there were huge brown leather armchairs that said, "Sit here and get comfy but know you will have to speak only the truth even if you are embarrassed." It really intimidated me but overall, it was a good first meeting. This doctor believes that I have mood swings and thinks that the drug that this last psychiatrist put me on was making me hyper which was news to me. It's interesting to hear this because no one else noticed, not even me. I didn't even notice that I haven't been sleeping much and have been extra happy and talkative these days.

I also found it so funny when he said, "Did anyone ever tell you that you talk too much?" You had to be in the room to know that the tone in which he asked this question was really a pure question and not a roundabout way of telling me that I talk too much. I really believe that he just honestly wanted to know if other people think of me this way to understand me better. However, it did sting a bit because it is so true. I know that because my mother, brother, and husband tell me so occasionally. These are the three people in the world who probably know me the best. I told Kai what the doctor said and he smiled the biggest grin. Even though it was at my expense, I enjoyed seeing him smile. I bet you he thinks that doctor is a genius now. This makes me feel better because I want Kai to know it's a productive thing for me to see this doctor especially since I leave him all alone to deal with both boys on the nights that I'll be having my appointments.

I decided to give this new doctor a serious try and also decided to stop, at least temporarily, going to the talk therapist that I see weekly just because I need to simplify things. I'm finding that it's really hard work trying to take care of myself while still doing what I want to do for my kids. Either way, I am grateful to my new friend for helping me find good care and talking frankly (but gently) about her observations about me. I'm also grateful to all the readers of this blog. Thanks for reading, caring, commenting, and sending me your emails. I love the emails. All of this helps me be a better mom. This is certainly not the end of Can Mom Be Calm. I know this because I am still so far from being calm!

(Pictured: With no direction from me, sometimes Logan will do something really sweet for his little brother like build him a bead maze so that he can have fun. He knows Spencer so well. He knows when his brother has made progress in speech "Mommy, Spencer said two words together!" He even knows what Spencer wants when he throws a tantrum. "He wanted to pet the dog but Mommy wouldn't let him." Hey Spencer, you are one lucky toddler!)

1 comment:

Becky said...

I am with you on trying to balance my life as a mom taking care of two boys, being a wife, working, and still finding time to take care of myself so that I can be the best person and take care of everyone else! It isn't easy, but sometimes you need to step back and take a look at where you have come from. You are doing great! Hang in there!